I am going to be totally honest, I am a mess.

I am not like any mess, but several individuals have told me that I am the human definition of what it is to struggle. Luckily enough, I have a really great support of friends and family that have forgiven me for the chaos of stress I burden them with every day.  Truthfully, they are the ones that got me here, 12 hours from my departure to India. At this point, I am grateful to be able to write this blog because I seriously got rejected for my Indian visa seven times. You would think they feel bad after the third rejection and give it to you, but India makes you work.

In a country of confusion, I think it is only rightfully fair for a confused girl to find a sense of belonging with a country full of difficulties. Usually the majority of people I told that I was going to India either got excited for me or could not fully grasp the idea that I would choose to go to a place “like that”. I have never been to India, but when people said a place “like that”, it almost sounded like it connoted the country for being unpleasant, as if I should not go. Of course, during moments of doubt, I questioned my intentions on pursuing my study abroad in a place people were scared for me to go to. Nevertheless, being a young, chaotic mess, my soul dared to yearn for a place of obscurity.

With this information about my personality, you may be bewildered by my reasoning, as most people are, but that’s what makes it fun. I love living life as if it were a series of blurred moments. Feeling like I need to catch up to whatever is going on is such a mesmerizing experience.

I think that is why I picked India.

Filled with brilliance, hope, simplicity, darkness, mystery, India to me sounds like an enigma that I want to be a part of. It is an expressive pandemonium of life, a poetic uncertainty, an unexplainable mess. I apologize in advance for the series of struggles you will read in the next few months. Let me be the first to tell you, I’ll try my hardest to be striving mess.

Lots of love,